This is a continuation of last week’s post, It’s NOT All About Willpower!
I had been pretty consistent with T-Tapp from the start in January 2007 to May of 2010. Then my mom unexpectedly passed away. Of course the weeks following were hectic, and I knew from past experience not to push too much for my adrenals’ sake, but I still was able to maintain 2 short workouts per week.
Then I hit a 7 week period of time that I didn’t even do one Primary Back Stretch!
Then I got sick.
I decided to do an online T-Tapp class, which greatly helped me….for that month.
Then the holidays hit!
I decided to do the schedule from the online course again after the holidays, but…
I. just.couldn’t.seem.to.keep.it.going.
During this time I had decided to become a trainer. Which meant I should probably be doing the workouts, right?!
Also during this time I was really arguing with God about His timing in taking my mom Home. Nine months later, I finally decided to just accept it and let it go. I couldn’t change anything about it, but as Amy Carmichael has said, “In acceptance lieth peace.”
Amazingly, I started being consistent again! No amount of “willpower” or “self-determination” or “discipline” was working. I was self-sabotaging from an internal war that affected my emotions and my ability to “just do it”.
During my time of mentoring to become a trainer, I had another interesting issue crop up. I have had 13 miscarriages–some have been really hard physically, some hard emotionally, and a few were hard in both areas.
Almost a year ago, in August, I felt the Lord prompt my heart about a miscarriage that had happened nearly 22 years prior. It was not a hard one physically, but it came at Christmas time, which is also around my oldest daughter’s birthday. She was about 3 at the time. I remember telling my husband then, “My heart feels dead.”
That is exactly what I realized had happened–I had “walled off” a part of my heart. Now, I was healthy, no heart issues, nothing apparently “physical”. And I consider myself a pretty outgoing person! But when I dealt with that issue, it was like I was even more alive! I joke that the grass was greener, the sky was bluer! 🙂 It was great to be FREE and feel ALIVE!
The interesting thing that happened physically? I could later look back to that time and see that from then on my midsection started reshaping! I had gotten into size 6s, my 9th size lost. But I was still “fluffy”. Just a few months later I was the smallest I have been in probably 20+ years!
I’ll be finishing up this theme on Thursday, sharing one more a-ha on this journey to freedom! (Very fitting with 4th of July tomorrow, yes?! 🙂 )
