What do you see when you look into a mirror?  Even more importantly, what are you thinking?


One of the gifts T-Tapp has given me is confidence in who I am. I have become at peace with who I am inside, and I have learned to appreciate my body and my strengths vs. continuing to focus on my weaknesses and seeming negatives. Often our biggest struggles happen between our ears!

As we stay focused on the negative, we will be more and more self-conscious and feel everyone is staring at or noticing them right away. Often that becomes a self-fulfilling fear as we either apologize for the supposed problem or inadvertently draw attention to it. The other problem is we’re so introspective worrying about what others are thinking that we can’t reach out to them to be a comfort or encouragement. We are literally bound by our fears!

I find it sad that many women, when prompted to share one good feature or even one good quality about themselves, can’t. They are either vague or just don’t want to go there. We often say things to ourselves that we would NEVER say to a good friend! Can you imagine, over a lunch date with your best friend, this conversation taking place?!


Sally: “I hate my tummy! I never lose there—it’s so huge I look pregnant!”

You: “You got that right! I think you’ve gotten much bigger than the last time I saw you! Kinda looking about 7 months pregnant, eh?!”


I would certainly hope you would never think such a thing—let alone say it!

And yet…

We will often look in the mirror (or just at the “challenging” area) and say those very words to ourselves!


You need to become your own good friend! If you wouldn’t say it to your best friend—then you don’t say it to yourself!


Your body sets up a defense against this negativity.


This excerpt from Your Relationship Matters is quite true:

Your adrenal glands ensure an immediate response to an ‘assault’ (in the widest sense) or indeed perceived attack on your well-being and sense of safety and security. You will have available all the resources needed to fight or flee (or ‘tend and befriend’ – more often women).


Ever fall into that “tend and befriend” category? Going to great lengths to keep people happy? Trying to anticipate their needs and feel “needed” to make you feel good inside? But that doesn’t last and often people are ungrateful—or don’t even notice. Or they suck you dry! And yes, even if you are the one making the comments to yourself—your adrenals will still set up that response to the “assault” you are giving yourself. While you can try to avoid a negative person in your job or community circles, you can’t get away from the one inside your own head!


We honestly can’t give out of an empty cup.


We tend to pull our affirmation from others, our jobs, our hobbies, our activities or charities, our busyness–but in the end we can feel just as insecure or even burned out.

What’s the answer?


Put yourself first! Take care of yourself!


Did that statement rankle you? Do you feel that is “selfish” and “prideful”?

Have you ever flown? I’m sure most of us have. As the flight attendants go through the safety procedures, one of the things they demonstrate and tell you is in case of emergency, put on your oxygen mask first, then help a child or other passengers put theirs on.

Too often we as women are taking care of everyone and everything until we crash. When that happens, and you need 3 naps a day just to function (not work, not attend your meetings, not tend to your hobbies and charities, just barely functioning for yourself), who will take care of those things then?

By putting your physical and emotional health first, you will be a better person, wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, co-worker–and you will be better able to help others, as well!


You might be surprised to see that confidence showing up on the outside in interesting ways!


My friend Jennifer started working on speaking kindly to herself, especially about her “challenging” area. She was dealing with inflammation in her body and hadn’t seen inch loss for awhile. Addressing food sensitivities and letting her body heal from the inside out, she realized she needed to be kind to herself and not berate herself for her lack of outward “progress”. Soon she was getting compliments for weight loss—only she hadn’t lost anything! She was more confident in who she was, more joyful and secure in who she was, and it showed on the outside in how she carried herself as well!

Beauty within starts with some “housecleaning”–getting rid of toxic thoughts and attitudes, and replacing them with fresh, positive attitudes and statements about yourself.  Becoming your own best friend!  For then you will be confident in who you are, you won’t need to feel insecure or jealous, and you will truly be able to help and encourage others on their journey to better health and true beauty—inside and out!


This post is an excerpt from my e-book, Fatigued to FABULOUS: One Woman’s Journey from Overwhelm to Overcoming.  I want to encourage you in this month of “love” to take time to love yourself, speak kindly to yourself–because you will then be better able to love others from that place of wholeness!

As my gift to YOU to help you be your own best friend 🙂 , use the coupon code iloveme to get a $3 discount off the sale price of my e-book through February 14!

If you would like to read a similar post on this subject, please check out Mirror, Mirror On the Wall–I’m Sure I’m the Ugliest of Them All!

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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