This is a continuation of last week’s post, It’s NOT All About Willpower!

I had been pretty consistent with T-Tapp from the start in January 2007 to May of 2010. Then my mom unexpectedly passed away.  Of course the weeks following were hectic, and I knew from past experience not to push too much for my adrenals’ sake, but I still was able to maintain 2 short workouts per week.

Then I hit a 7 week period of time that I didn’t even do one Primary Back Stretch!

Then I got sick.

I decided to do an online T-Tapp class, which greatly helped me….for that month.

Then the holidays hit!

I decided to do the schedule from the online course again after the holidays, but…

I. just.couldn’

During this time I had decided to become a trainer.  Which meant I should probably be doing the workouts, right?!

Also during this time I was really arguing with God about His timing in taking my mom Home.  Nine months later, I finally decided to just accept it and let it go.  I couldn’t change anything about it, but as Amy Carmichael has said, “In acceptance lieth peace.”

Amazingly, I started being consistent again!   No amount of “willpower” or “self-determination” or “discipline” was working.  I was self-sabotaging from an internal war that affected my emotions and my ability to “just do it”.

During my time of mentoring to become a trainer, I had another interesting issue crop up.  I have had 13 miscarriages–some have been really hard physically, some hard emotionally, and a few were hard in both areas.

Almost a year ago, in August, I felt the Lord prompt my heart about a miscarriage that had happened nearly 22 years prior.  It was not a hard one physically, but it came at Christmas time, which is also around my oldest daughter’s birthday.  She was about 3 at the time.   I remember telling my husband then, “My heart feels dead.”

That is exactly what I realized had happened–I had “walled off” a part of my heart.  Now, I was healthy, no heart issues, nothing apparently “physical”.   And I consider myself a pretty outgoing person!  But when I dealt with that issue, it was like I was even more alive! I joke that the grass was greener, the sky was bluer! 🙂   It was great to be FREE and feel ALIVE!

The interesting thing that happened physically?   I could later look back to that time and see that from then on my midsection started reshaping!  I had gotten into size 6s, my 9th size lost.  But I was still “fluffy”.  Just a few months later I was the smallest I have been in probably 20+ years!

I’ll be finishing up this theme on Thursday, sharing one more a-ha on this journey to freedom! (Very fitting with 4th of July tomorrow, yes?! 🙂 )


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